I could pontificate on the validity of time as an actual concept (is it real?), but for the sake of this particular conversation I'm going to park the debate to another time, no pun intended.
The most common excuse and I’m going to be upfront and remind you it’s always an excuse - for not taking care of ourselves is “I don’t have time”.
If we are to be brutally honest with ourselves, we all waste tons of time doing stuff that is neither needed nor productive. of course, there are exceptions, such as when one works 18 hours shifts with no let-ups - but that isn't the norm. Plenty of us has regular work hours and a balanced number of external obligations with home and family.
When we avoid self-care we avoid ourselves and such a disposition is always rooted in self-loathing. When we don’t love ourselves we avoid ourselves and we perpetuate a cycle of rejection. In this respect, we are our own worst enemies. The truth is emotional self-care shouldn’t be optional, like eating, sleeping, safety, and hygiene, it is a priority, and actually, it doesn’t take up a lot of time. In fact, almost all of us willingly give this kind of care to others whilst depriving ourselves of the same vital sustenance. Think about the people you live with or see every day. You’re so quick to say hi, how are you, you look nice today, what’s going on with you? You’re quick to gift your time, to listen, to compliment, to support and share - to love.
We must then compare this with how much time we give to ourselves. Then tell me again you don’t have time to center and ground yourself for 5 minutes before you sleep and when you wake up or to talk to yourself lovingly and encouragingly in the mirror as you brush your teeth… we’re kidding ourselves, right? There are no excuses.
Every time we deprive ourselves of the love we need and have the power to give ourselves we make an excuse, but we are furious when someone else doesn’t meet our needs. We hold them accountable. It’s much more impactful to hold ourselves accountable. In being accountable to ourselves we also learn to recognize when others are trying their best but are struggling to meet their own needs, let alone ours.
Time is precious. Most all of us can tweak our schedule to give ourselves 20 minutes a day, even if it’s 2 mins here or there - we manage our own diary right here in the highly efficient present after all. I often find myself with 5 minutes to burn and I find myself more often turning inwards than turning to my phone. Often I like to think of it as treating myself as a companion.
If someone else spent each day with me, I’d undoubtedly interact with them all day long, I’d be responsive to their moods, feelings, and conversation. If they felt bad, I’d feel inclined to listen and share guidance were asked, if they felt self-conscious about their appearance I’d hope to reassure them - and yet for most of my life I never treated myself with the same love, kindness, and respect. I argued I don’t have time.
Today I’m saying, I ALWAYS HAVE TIME FOR ME. I matter. Nothing is more important than being my own best friend, I know that when I do that I have so much more love to share because my love tank is overflowing. I am worthy and deserving of respect, kindness, acceptance, and love and I will give it to myself freely. There are no excuses. I always have time to love me.
And because I think it, believe it and sit in faith and gratitude for it, it is. So it is.
This is the part where I get back to time being an illusion… because time well spent isn’t really time at all, it’s life. Not time, life.
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